Me vs. My Ego

As I was biking home from town this morning, a car pulled up a few meters ahead of me and the driver flagged me down.  I get strangely excited when this happens – I love it when people ask me for directions.  This is either due to an intuitive love for sharing knowledge and teaching, or my childhood best friend was right and I am a “know-it-all”.  Nonetheless, I am a compulsive sign reader, I don’t know why, I just read any word that comes into my visual range and thus tend to be of some help.  Well, he wasn’t asking for directions.  He was stopping to pay me a compliment and ask if I’m single. He had actually been traveling in the other direction and had turned around. Upon learning that I am not single he stressed that I must tell my boyfriend how lucky he is and that he must earn it.  I warmed up to him when he asked if I was happy and I smiled and replied “very”. I said thank you with as much humility as I could and he smiled and drove off.

Once my ego was done patting itself on the back for wearing the blue shirt, tights and wellies, I was able to objectively ponder on this encounter.  I used to place a lot of importance on events like these.  Not consciously of course, but male attention could be said to be 90% of the reason I would put on a nice outfit and mascara in the morning. It’s not a mystery that men may be a bit like children and Christmas gifts – if it’s wrapped well they choose it.  For 30 seconds, this man made me feel like the most special person on the planet, but the “me” that was feeling that was on the inside, in my head, and the object he was speaking to was just the outer shell.  And thus the outer shell that I inhabit should receive the compliment, however the skin, hair, bones, eyes do not have the ability to emotionally receive such an abstract concept. The mind and thought center just try to steal it up, grasping onto anything that feeds the ego, relevant or not. The mind may be responsible for how I dressed this morning, the shape of my body, the cleanliness of my hair etc., which could have led to the compliment, however the mind does this all in vain, in hopes of attention, thus using and abusing the body.  Anyhow, what I’m getting at is since the object that this man was speaking to (the body) is not capable of receiving dialogue, it is like he’s speaking into a phone and there’s no one on the other line.  His words are lost to the universe, and the mind can not rightfully eat them up – even though it does, faster than I can stop it.


One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Cedar on August 19, 2010 at 5:59 pm

    Really good Kim…I am nodding and agreeing with you as I read. I took the time to read through your whole blog (not just the Ashram) and I really, really love it. Very inspiring. Keep it up! 🙂


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